Ending the Famine...

When I look at how much time has elapsed since I blogged here, I realize how swiftly life passes as well, and I contemplate the old adage, "only one life will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last." I'm not that good at quoting. Ask my kids! I usually get some minor or MAJOR detail confused or blatantly wrong when I try to repeat a story, happening or quote something. Lol I don't get my blondness naturally, I have bottle highlights, but I live up to the cliches. :)

In honesty and to the point, when I started this sight, my goal was to start reading my Bible faithfully and get my spiritual life back on track with God. Though I never stopped knowing he loved me, I had taken Him for granted and like a teenage child, whose life suddenly becomes a whirlwind of schoolwork, job and social responsibilities (socializing and social networking), I began to slowly leave Him behind, real conversations became further and further apart, and I become lost in my world of me...sure, I have to work right? And new schedules are hard to adapt to. Supper time, and who's gonna cook if I don't? Clean the house if I don't? Get all those wedding plans together in time? (Can't use that one anymore! My daughter's wedding was beautiful and down to the last minute, the details were exhausting but rewarding as I watched her smile radiantly, finally relaxing and enjoying each special moment with a look of pure happiness on her face.) Well, what business can I replace that time with?? I don't know I'm sure I'll find something!!

My priorities had gotten askew as well, and should I have been surprised that when I took my eyes off the Lord who loves me unconditionally..I looked for love in conditional places?
     * I sought happiness in my activities (which were minimal due to empty nest syndrome--what DO you do with yourself when your life has been all about motherhood and your oldest goes to make herself a new home with her new husband and your youngest is a senior involved way over her head in every activity under the sun?) Well, at first you cry a little, look for some support in your husband (don't waste time on this one, they simply don't get the big deal of it all.  They have worked the same job for 18 years and don't understand the trauma of losing your meaningfulness just because your kids are finally independent..isn't that the goal? Independence? Becoming that good moral person and finally getting the job they've been training for since kindergarten?)
     * I sought happiness in my husband trying to make his schedule fit mine so I could fill my time with him and that would make me happy...complaining about schedules does not make him happy...apparently following him around the house trying to talk to him like I did my girls is not his intended purpose either. Things were stressed...I felt alone.
Every failed attempt at my happiness added the weight of a millstone to my life. I was trying to do everything right. I was trying. I.

Finally, I sought out some long ignored friendships--the kind that could last forever if one would stop and take the time of day to nurture them.--I tried honesty. What was there to lose now? I found that more times than not, people have gone through the same storms and droughts in their lives. While we are looking at them admiringly and jealously for their perfect lives, we are missing their signs for help as well. (We humans are very good at poker facing it..if we put on that smile and answer that question that everyone asks absentmindedly with no intention of paying attention to the answer of--HOW ARE YOU TODAY?--"good!" or "fine" life goes on and no one is the wiser for it.)
"So where is this going?" you ask. "Are you just gonna keep on rambling in your little sad world? Get on with it, or I am going to go read someone else's blog--or worse---get on FACEBOOK!" haha..ok..ok.

If I wanted the famine to end, I would have to get a source of refreshment. I would have to find something to revive what was dying or dead.  I was as close to the source of life as I could be yet so far away that I wouldn't reach for it. I needed to reconnect with God--my source of missing nutrients waiting to be rained down on my thirsty land.  If I wanted to feel loved and validated in this life, I couldn't go to myself or any person. I would have to go to God.

This is my new challenge and goal. Oh, I've been there many times before, starting over with God...but the nice thing is that He is always willing for me to do that..in fact he seeks me out. He never stopped loving me and never left my side, but it was me who took His love and faithfulness, grace and mercifulness for granted. I neglected reading His words and I neglected talking to Him on a regular basis...in this world I would be so sad if my loved ones did that to me. So, I am fresh into this new relationship. I have seen a few refreshing drops already falling from Him to help me grow me. With each moment that I definitely see His caring for me, His humor in how he reacts when I approach Him, I feel more alive and more driven to run to him for more...This is so much easier said than done..I don't know why, but I'm lacing up my running shoes cause I'm back in the race.

God,
Please put an end to my spiritual famine. Please rain down your presence on me and revive my desire to serve you. I need and desire to be in a genuine personal relationship with you again! I thank you in advance for the wonderful changes in my attitude and spirit! I thank you now and in advance in full view of anyone who reads this blog for your steadfast love. It is humbling to see how you will take me back time after time. Let your love be enough. Amen

P.S. let me share one raindrop:

Psalm 142 I cry aloud to the Lord. I lift up my voice for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him I tell him my troubles. When my spirit grows faint within me it is you who know my way. Listen to my cry for I am in desperate need. Set me free from my prison that I may praise your name.

I had just finished meditating on these verses when the next day at work (during a quiet period) I was reading the book LET GO AND LET GOD.  It was like God had planned that out for me...even though this book had been lying on the shelf for quiet a few years unread...imaging when I read the words penned by this author.."the way to get along in the world lies in the thought...that...once you accept Christ by simply letting Him be the dominating factor in your life, and take Him at His word, believing that He is now showing you the way to a life...more abundant, then the self imposed prison you have lived in for so long will disappear."
My prison WAS self imposed and I know for a fact that putting Jesus Christ first again is gonna break me from that prison! Yay! Let the Praising begin! :)